I have to post this because things have been quite confusing. Although I cannot deny that I feed on gossip once in a while here and there, one on one talks have been recently popping out of nowhere.
If I can recall, the first time I’ve ever truly listened was during my first year in grade school when an English teacher called my attention for ‘not paying attention.’ She was basically teaching first grade English which deals with proper and common nouns. Being the talkative person that I am, she made me transfer seats from the center aisle to the front row so I can give my full attention to her. She asked me a series of questions about the difference of proper and common nouns and since I wasn’t listening she repeated the lesson until I fully grasped it. I owe everything to my English teacher for making me a responsible student.
However, recalling the first time people opened up to me about their problems is extremely hard to grasp. I think that the first time I’ve ever listened to problems occurring at people’s lives was when I listened to my friends whenever they feel angry at a certain person. They were usually trying to buy me with their side of the story which usually occurs during long phone calls after classes. My mom always referred to me as the person who was always beside the phone making ‘telebabad’ (an act of which you are just always on the phone). But I cannot deny the fact that I’ve always loved to hear the latest gossip within my school and leaking them out to certain persons until finally I was caught which made people deny their trust to me. I’ve learned my lesson and I changed during high school.
When I was in high school, I’ve listened to a lot of guys who complain about their girlfriends. Some of which are my friends or those boys have no one to talk to. Most of them however were just out of nowhere given the chance to sit by me because I was always the listening one and teachers gave me the responsibility to turn these boys life around by actually making them responsible for their studies. Which I do not contest, because I really like talking to those boys. They have been my savior to boring teachers and lectures. Its funny how I got too close to them that some girls even speculated that there was a ‘thing’ going on.
Now that I’m in college, I still have that gift of listening. In particular I’ve always had that gift. I really don’t understand why and how much people have trusted me to become this person that they can talk to. I don’t have a PhD in Psychology or Psychiatry, I’m just a regular person. And most of my advice I have either seen, heard or read somewhere that I’ve salvaged from years of observing. Now I’m not complaining that people have so much trust in me with regards to their life/relationship/family problems, I just hope that I don’t get to the point that I’m so attached to these persons, that people will often regard to me as ‘paki-elamera’. My friends and I were even joking that as much as I wanted to be Blair Waldorf, I’m becoming more like Dan Humphrey who’s always been this wallflower, never fitting-in, but truly he’s the one who has figured it out all along and will always be the good friend who you can talk to, and will give you advice whenever you need one.
Another funny thing about my whole situation is the fact that I’m always guarded. Usually I only CHOOSE what I want to share. You, if you are a close friend of mine, will only hear me complain once in my life about my family or whatever is going on with me relationship wise. That’s another reason why maybe in the future it will be hard for people to make an autobiography of my life because I’ve kept so much secrets or thoughts only to myself. I never want to burden other people with my dilemmas especially my friends and family. I always believed that I can fix my own problem, or somehow it will go away. I don’t know if there are some persons who have figured me out.
Looking at it in this situation, I’m truly grateful to the friends who have considered me as their companion who they can trust. It’s hard being the person who will always give the time to their friends especially those who I truly value, but I think (hopefully) those people who I talked to will value our friendship as well. Maybe I’m just also hoping that whenever I needed the time to officially ‘talk’ there would be someone who would also give me the listening ear that I need.