“Stuck-up bitch” and “Snobby”. Those two groups of words will always be people’s first impression of me. I don’t know how or why people think of that, but I’m not apologizing. Maybe its something I have projected, and maybe sometimes I may come off as a classicist which may come off as intimidating to some or most people who have encountered me in the last 19 years of my life.
I’ve always been told that people’s first impressions of me comes off as snobbish and a little intimidating. Where have I not heard that before? I’m already used to it quite a number of times that it does not encompass or surprise me no more. But then again once people have got to know me, then they apologize for having thought so and are glad that I have proven them otherwise!
I don’t take it to grudge tho. For the most part, it’s all quite too understandable. I don’t socialize that much to people whom I know I will be spending a lot of times together during the first stages of any friendship. Maybe it’s because I’m too guarded that bashing out who I am and my life’s history will just be too much. The way I become friends with somebody is a slow process. You can’t just spill your guts and tell them everything about yourself and expect them to listen and understand you because you don’t know them. It’s the same thing with a relationship.
I’m too guarded on my own self that I may come off as snobbish and bitchy. I don’t use small chit chats to break the barrier, especially to strangers and maybe to some people I don’t like. This is who I have become for the past 19 years and I’m unapologetic for it. Come to think of it, I don’t apologize for people thinking of me that way, because I’m the total opposite. I take into account those people who have countlessly apologized to me who thought of me badly in that certain way when all I think about is the goodness in them.
Of course, I’m not a goody-goody at all times. I also give poor and critical judgements to some people, and that bitchy-ness that people think about me comes out. But whenever that does happen, it’s probably because you have either offended me or those people whom I have become close with, then what you are dealing with is an all out backlash bitch war.
To all my new and old friends who have apologized to me countless times for thinking of me as somewhat a snob or masungit and are glad that I have proven them otherwise. I smile to all of you. I guess I’m not bad after all. I know I am not, (overpowering confidence of some sort). People who have been close to me and have known me will all say that I am one of the most helpful people they have ever encountered. And they also stated that I am one of those people who should disregard what people think of me, because they know how “AWESOME” I am. It means a lot to me that people have already developed their sense of delightfulness whenever they see me again, which means that I have made an impact to them, just as much as they have in me.
So if you have become my friend, I know I always come off as aloof. Nice but not too nice, there I said it! But you can count on me for being the best damned friend you could ever have. I don’t choose my friends based on the amount of popularity they have, or the amount of money or how far well-off they are. At the end of the day, they are my friends because in the most cosmic-physical-intellectual-and-spiritual-way we relate to each other.
I cannot and never will be able to control people’s thoughts and actions towards me and my friends. I’m just saying that if you ever come across me in the near or distant future and I may look as if a bit unwelcoming, it is not to take any offense to you, most probably it’s just me. I’m always thinking, that’s my problem. If it’s not my hair, it’s probably my thesis or something that is really bugging me all the time.
But rest assured, if you strike up a conversation with me, I will be always polite and answer it honestly and truthfully as much as possible, even if sometimes the truth does hurt.
Here are some more photos from our Caleruega trip:
Thanks to all my classmates for the photos! :D <3